To My Fiancé on Valentine’s Day.

Thank you for loving me unconditionally.

Thank you for saving me, from myself. Thank you for loving me and making me have the most confidence I have ever had in my entire life. Thank you for being the man I never knew existed.

Thank you for always building me up and never tearing me down. You have always looked at the brighter side of things and never picked at the darker side of things. I needed that in my life more than I ever knew.

Thank you for always accepting me as I am and never pressuring me to be someone I am not.

Thank you for strengthening my faith. Not only did you introduce me to learning so much about my Higher Power, but you made me realize how important spirituality is in a relationship. Before you came along, I never lived everyday working toward being better and closer to my Higher Power. Since you have taught me this, our relationship has become stronger because we have had the ability have have deeper conversations, enlightenment, and the importance and love of a Higher Power.

Thank you for loving me when I take out all of my frustrations out on you. It wasn't your fault that my prescription wasn’t ready at the pharmacy or that I have over committed myself, yet again. It is not your fault that I cannot find something that I have misplaced because…well I misplaced it, or that the kids won’t listen to me. It is also not your fault that sometimes I do not know how to handle my frustrations, so I take them out on you.

Thank you for loving me when the kids get the best of me and I have completely given up on parenting. Raising kids is freaking hard. I had never, ever imagined that as a grown ass woman that one of these children could bring me to my knees in tears. When I held my newborn babies, it absolutely did not occur to me that there would ever come a time when the fighting and whining would send me literally over the fucking edge. I have never once imagined myself announcing “I’m done!” and storm off to my room, leaving you to deal with the remainder of the destruction alone.

Thank you for loving me when I expect more than I am even willing to give. I definitely never intended to be this kind of wife, but sometimes I am. Sometimes I am just downright selfish and needy and I feel that my needs are superior to yours. Sometimes I compare my stressful day of an 8 hour day, working from home and dealing with people virtually, along with maybe some light cleaning of the house to your 15+ hour work shift and then commence to ask you to make dinner for everyone because I am the one who is too tired.

Thank you for loving me when I completely shut down. There are times when adulting becomes just too damn much for me and I have to completely shut down. Times when I literally cannot express my thoughts or feelings appropriately and they come out like vomit. Days when I have too much on my mind so I cannot help but keep myself busy and push everything in the world away… including you.

Thank you for loving me when I demand the absolute impossible form you. You are generally always calm and level headed. You are extremely smart and for the most part, stay cool under pressure. It is a rare occasion that you get worked up, but when you do, I certainly cannot even handle it. I know you also get scared, sad, frustrated, and hurt because you are human too. But, still, I will silently demand that you remain cool, calm, and collected.

Thank you for loving me when I am mean and not so nice to you. I have been known to say mean things to you. When I am hurting, I sometimes do not know what to do or how to fix it. Sometimes my sadness turns to angers and I say things that I immediately regret. And sometimes, you do not even get the apology you deserve because of the whole pride thing, so I am sorry for this also.

Thank you for loving me when my mental illness gets the best of me. This illness sometimes consumes my life. This illness sometimes consumes all of our lives. I hate everything about it. It takes away my ability to think rationally and clearly and to function like a normal person sometimes. At times, it may feel like things will never, ever get better. It sometimes feel like I am a complete burden to you and the kids. My happiness seems to disappear and I feel like there is a dark cloud over me. But you love me anyways.

Thank you for loving me when I do not love myself. I seem to get upset with myself a lot. Actually, all of the time. I get upset when I think about how I should be a better parent, I am upset that I cannot keep the house clean all the time, or that I do not have a delicious and healthy meal waiting for you when you get home from a long day of work. Sometimes my self-esteem will plunge and I cannot keep the negative thoughts of out of my mind. I do not always tell you about these struggles, but you always seem to know.

Thank you for loving me when my anxiety gets the best of me and I am unable to leave the house or get out of bed. Sometimes all I can do is cry and gasp for air, literally. But you do not try to fix anything, you just sit and wait, and let me know you are there when I need you.

Love, your wife to be (who really loves you madly and is forever grateful for you)